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[sticky post] Letters to Ben

I've started using my Live Journal again.  I am writing in a Pen pal style because I enjoy the thought of writing to someone.  I decided to write to Ben Cross, my favorite actor. Why?  I admire his work and he has been inspirational to me over the last year with my LARP.  I think it may be his voice.  And he's pretty good looking to me.

I don't really know him, will probably never know him.  But I will write to him anyway.  He can be followed on Twitter at @actorbencross and can be found on Facebook as well.  As can I.  Twitter:  @missferran

Letters to Ben Cross (Number 63)

Dear Ben,

Hope you've been well.  I know I haven't written in sometime.  You know how it goes...everything's on and off.

A few major happenings have transpired over the last couple of weeks.

First, someone hit my car in the parking lot of the autobody shop I went to.  All I wanted was an oil change.  Of course the oil change turned in to new tires.  That all turned into a huge dent and scratch on my right passenger door.  At least the auto body shop is paying the deductible on my repairs but at the end of the day it's still on record for my insurance.  Fortunately this is not going to result in an increase in my premium but it irritates me a bit.  Having said all that, it could be so much worse.

That happened last Tuesday.  The worst thing that happened last week was I was let go from my job.  I won't get into details but suffice to say I am upset about the loss of income as I like having my own money.  Don't we all?  Fortunately I can still go to the dentist Friday and can go to career counselling tomorrow.

I kind of know what I want to go into but it will make me too little cash to make it worthwhile.  Which is unfortunate but that's the way the ball bounces.

Had a bit of a set back today but what can a girl do?  Go with the flow and hope everything turns out alright.

Had a show last weekend...we rocked it.  I have to admit, I was a bit worried after rehearsal last Thursday.  Even though I had lost my job earlier that day I went to the dress rehearsal.  The show must go on after all.  I was a little concerned about the event on Sat.  But heck,  I was worried about just about everything that day.

First rehearsal backstage on Sat. was concerning but I'll tell you, once we got on stage we ROCKED IT!  I couldn't believe how well we did.  Very pleased and I hope that our instructor was genuinely pleased.

I had a gentleman caller over as well...so it was a win win.  I was hungover Saturday for sure :)

Watching Raiders of the Lost Ark for the 2nd time today...the first time I was distracted.

I got my severence and I have about 2 months leeway for rent and utilities...thank goodness I overpaid my utilities.  A little less stress...a lot can happen in 2 months.

I'll keep you posted.


Letters to Ben Cross (Number 62)

Dear Ben,

It's been a while since I wrote.  Wow, how time flies.  What can I say, I've been stupidly busy to the point where I'm running a bit ragged.  Yes, it's my fault.  But I'm doing interesting things.

Anyway, I'm just dropping you a line to let you know of this strange dream I had this morning.  It's best to write them down when one remembers them.

Had the strangest dream just before I woke up.

I was at a Con in (presumably) a hotel.  I was taking photos of friends in a space that was all red.  There was a group of people watching me on the side including a man that I know. He was dressed in a grey suit and wore face makeup...not goth but black makeup around the eyes and mouth.

I took a bad photo (cut off the heads in the photo) and had to redo but as I adjusted my camera everyone disappeared.  I was disappointed because I wanted a photo of me taken specifically in the room.

I looked around for everyone, especially this man.  I was really disappointed he was not there.  I began to search for him and I would always see him far away with the same group of people.  I got the impression he saw me but made no effort to greet me.

I was upset by it and kept searching.  I have a feeling I was on a windy road going to another place.  I ended up at another hotel and searched it, floor by floor.  At the top I came to a room where there was some sort of reception/Con Suite. It was very bright in that room. He was sitting on a chair at a table, with the same suit on, talking with others.  He was so close.

He turned his head and scowled at me.  He stood and grabbed a woman beside him from the waist.  I approached and sat down, which he did as he well.  He said something, (all the while scowling) but I couldn't hear it.  I asked him to repeat himself, he did but I still couldn't hear it.  I felt bewildered at his reaction to me.

Scene Change: I was outside looking at the road, the wind was blowing the green foliage around me (there were a lot of large green leaves and trees).

Dear Ben Cross (Letter 61)

Dear Ben,

Hope you're having a great day!  I hear you've been in London.  Hope you're visit with your family was good.

I haven't written a letter in a while and I'm sorry about that.  Life happens and I've been stressed out and really haven't got my stuff together in a few weeks.  Sitting here in my apartment doing nothing.

I'm stretching the truth a bit.  Things have been going on.  I'm starting a Spanish class on Tuesday which is exciting and I've been going to Free Fall Fridays as usual.  I've started going to a Creative Writing Club at the library.  It's members are...interesting.

At any rate things have been going alright but I am stressed out, not sleeping well and generally feeling restless and unsatisfied.  Strangely it all started with traveling.  Maybe I should have just stayed at home and not known that there are cool things in the world.  But then I wouldn't know there was cool things in the world so...

At any rate today was a real hit and miss day.  It was good...went for brunch with my friends is always awesome.  However when I got home I was dismayed.

Why you ask?  Well it all started with Caine 2014 http://caine.camarilla.ca/2014/ I jumped on going.  Sacrificed my Airmiles and when I found out that I could play Oreana Giovanni again I was like OMFG!  So I changed my flight to accommodate the game.

Now don't get me wrong.  I am totally grateful to be offered this.  I appreciate that someone went out of their way to help me be able to play her.  I LOVE THAT character.

I know Ben, you're thinking, "But Gail you love every character you play."  That's 99% true.  I don't love all my characters..there's been one or two I haven't cared about.  But that is a rare thing.

I got Oreana at Blood and Betrayal and you're right when you think I shouldn't be playing her again...but oh the opportunity Ben.  She's loathesome, arrogant, unpleasant and not fun at parties.  But she is awesome nonetheless.

Now the problem with Caine 2014 is that apparently they don't like her bloodline.  Of course I want that bloodline.  Without it she can't have Mortis.  That is her favorite thing EVER!  THAT is what makes her fun at parties.  Nothing like making one of the guest turn gangrenous when he or she attacks your character.

How does this character keep her underlings in line?  By being a bad ass. Not because she's pleasant.  Not because her flatulence smells like roses.  Because she's a bitch and has the power to back it up.

What they want me to do is effectively emasculate my character.  Take away what makes her Oreana.  If the character wasn't made and I couldn't have Premascine, so be it.  But she is already made. Already played and now to be spayed.

How can I go into a game with my character effectively stripped of her signature power by some random power that be?  How am I supposed to walk into a room, be Oreana and be basically half the character. There was a REASON I chose to have Mortis. Everything that I write about her revolves around her being a horrible bitch that has the power to back it up.  There's no point in being a bitch unless you have power.  Cause they will KILL your ass if you can't protect it.

She will go from being a Pit Bull to a Pomeranian.  If I give in, she's no longer Oreana Giovanni...just a butt monkey with that name.  If I don't give in I've wasted $100 and a night's hotel stay.  God, it's bad enough I'm a butt monkey in real life Ben, now my character has to bow to the whim of some random people I don't know??? WTF?

That would be like telling Justin Achilli, "Gee Justin, love the Clan Book Giovanni but you know I feel it's too violent.  Please rewrite it so it includes a few puppy dogs, kittens and a few unicorns that blow sunshine out their butts.  Thanks EVER so much."  I'm sure that would go over like shit storm.

The character has been created.  It's been played.  It's been written about if only by me.  And now I'M expected to tone down MY character?  There is no character without the damn bloodline.  Nope nobody trusts her.  I wouldn't trust her.  But then I wouldn't fuck with her either.  Because she has no problem expressing her displeasure in a way that makes you not want to fuck with her.  And then others don't want to fuck with her because they heard how she fucked with you.

I'm not furious with the ST who told me.  I'm furious that some random person who I don't know and effectively now don't give a rat's bum about any of their decisions from now on, fucked my character to make her unplayable should I choose to GRACE them with MY presence.  As opposed to their apparent omniscience.

As you can see.  I am slightly upset over this absurd turn of events.

You might not think so but I am grateful to the guy that has graciously offered.  But I am struggling to get past the grotesque mockery they want to make of one of my prized characters.  PRIZED.

In games here I spend plenty of time with Butt Monkey characters because there is no way that anyone can break into the personal heirarchy of friends that dominate the spots that make the Court..  I am forced to be in a game where if you're not in the Legion of Super Friends you will never ascend to a high court position.  You will never be Prince, you will never ascend to any of the loftier titles of the Court.  It hasn't changed in all of the years I have known that troupe.  It's frustrating but it's the only game in town.

Now I'm arbitrarily forbidden to have bloodline and discipline. Right.

Yep First World Problem.  Nope don't care in this case.

Sorry for ranting Ben.  It sure as heck not your problem.  Or anyone else's for that matter.  Just mine apparently.

Got to sign out..ranting too long.


Letters to Ben Cross (Letter 60)

Dear Ben

Hope you're having a great night!

Mine's going alright.  Just finished watching American Horror Story.  Weirdly Fiona totally reminds me of one of my grandmas.  Weird.

Tomorrow night is the company Christmas party.  Hoping it's fun.  At any rate, dinner.  I'm not going to say free because it was $10 for a ticket.  But I'm sure it will be good.  On the plus side I'll have my Ipad with me if I get bored.

Major disappointment happened today.  For the last few days I've been trying to figure out if I can get to Seattle. Word of advice, don't try to do anything spontaneous around Christmas.  Airfares jack up to ridiculous prices.  Yes, I know you can afford it.  It's still a rip off.

I want to see if I can go to Milwaukee for the Mid Winter Gaming Convention in January.  Don't look at me like that Ben.  I need to get the Hades out of Calgary.   I'm feeling restless.  Since I've started traveling this year I just don't want to be here.  I want to be out in the wide wide world, meeting people, seeing people, doing things.  Even if it's a convention somewhere.  Such sights to be seen at conventions.  I NEED TO GET OUT OF CALGARY.

Also I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I have a feeling that I'll be laid off in January.  What the Hades am I going to do if that happens?  I think I should get a back up career that doesn't involve the service industry or office administration.  Geeze....what am I going to do?  First I'm going to calm the heck down.  Been down that road before, dealt with it.

Good news, started exercising again..ok, I started this evening.. but hey, that counts.  Feel so good right now.  Tomorrow will be a non exercise day but that's alright.  There's always Saturday.

Been working on my art journal.  It's fun and I am really enjoying it.  It's fun and I'm learning a few new techniques.  Awesomeness!  I'm also trying to use up the supplies I have on hand so that they aren't cluttering up my place.  Art journaling and tidying up...win, win!

I got a book on how to make handmade books from Amazon today.  Can't wait to try it...I'll have some time during the Christmas break at work.  I'm looking forward to it.  Books for my 'dollhouse chantry.'  Miniature books can be quite expensive when you have to buy a lot of them.  And this will be an added bonus that I can personalize them to fit the rooms.  Looking forward to the challenge!

I had a suitor for the last couple of weeks.  We had a few dates.  I knew from the start it wasn't going to work out. On the first date he was talking about sex and asking me what I liked.  Very personal questions.  And he touched my hair.  It creeped me out.  I was taken aback but went on a couple of more dates with him.  He kept bringing up sex.  It's not like I don't want to have sex at all...but I don't want to think that that is all my date wants.  I know he's a man but really.  Social Conventions!  Woo me, seduce me and then you've got me.  Not just bring up sex on the first date.  See if we have chemistry first.  Generally  I just don't randomly get up to shenanigans (I've almost gotten up to shenanigans a couple of times relatively recently due to alcohol.  But they were failed attempts). Geez.  Capture the mind and the body will follow.  Men really need to learn not to be so Neanderthal.  Grant you, I'm pretty sensitive over the subject.

The other huge mistake is sending me a cock shot or worse a video.  Really?  Yes, he did the video.  Of which I immediately deleted. That is just not cool.  Not cool at all! I'm all for nakedness.  Under the right circumstances, of course.  Don't I sound like a prude?  I can be particular.  Hey, I know people pickier than I am.

Anyhoo, time to go.  Hope you have a good night.


Dear Ben Cross (Letter 59)

Dear Ben,

I hope today finds you well.  I hope Bulgaria is warmer than Calgary is. It is hideously snowy...in fact it's blizzard conditions here.  I shoveled the walk a few hours ago and it's exactly the level now that it was when I shoveled it.  Oh well, less for later.

Today was pretty ok.  When I walked to work this morning I wasn't too cold (bought a new hat).  It's mainly the wind that is bitter.  I huddled by the street lamp when I had to wait for the light to turn this morning.  I was fortunate to get a ride to Inglewood for the way back home.  It's far better to wait in Inglewood than it is downtown.

I've been reading Stephen King's On Writing.  It's a brilliant book.  I want to rewrite a story done based on my character's visit to the Queen Mary from the Blood and Betrayal game a couple of months ago.  I've been procrastinating and now want to get it done.

I'm thinking of taking a Spanish language class.  My mom's bf is Spanish and I thought it would be a nice gesture to learn it after all these years. I also actually would like to have a second language. I've tried French but alas, there's no one to practice with.  I don't know, I'll give it a shot.

Watching the X-files.  William B. Davis is awesome.  I haven't seen him in anything lately.  I'd like to.

I am also wondering what is going on with my voice coach.  He was ill and hasn't contacted me.  I have props to return to him.  I'm also quite concerned.  I tried to email him while I was in New Orleans but he didn't reply.  I'm going to try emailing again.

I'm a little frustrated.  Everything had been going well with my voice lessons and creative stuff.  Now everything seems to be at a stand still.  I was starting to feel really good about everything.  Now nothing is happening and I don't know what to do about it.  :(

Not to mention my lack of relationships.  My sister, in all her wisdom, told me once that no one would ever love me.  She'd deny saying it but she did.  I'm wondering if it's a fulfilling prophecy. I don't think I'm unlovable.  Once in a while I have a big mouth but you know, I'm human.  Cut me a break.  Feeling a bit goth about the whole thing.

Nothing's going horribly wrong.  It's just little things.  *sigh*


Dear Ben Cross (Letter 58)

Dear Ben,

ZOMG!  It's been a while since I've written.

I wanted to write with the second part of the Blood and Betrayal trip but I can't find the piece of paper I wrote on.  I can find every single frigging piece of paper that I absolutely don't need except for that one.  GAH!

I'm writing this evening because I'm frustrated.  I have a man pursuing me but all he wants to do is get in my pants.  I get it.  Sex is important.  And God knows I need my oil changed.  But mentioning it on the first and second date makes me want to run for the hills.  Or just clamp my thighs together tighter than reading the Giovanni Clan Novel by Justin Achilli.

Also, he touched my hair on the first date.  I didn't like that.  Such an intimate gesture.  I was unimpressed.

I should have not agreed to a second date.  I don't think it's going to work out.  But then do I have any options?  I don't know. What if I don't get another date after this?

Part of my problem, I think, is that some of the men that I might be interested in are unattainable.  Since I don't go for married men they are out.  Some of the men I find interesting don't live in town.  And some, well are just simply unattainable.  On one hand, the fact that they can't be u
attained is a nice safe thing.  After all, if they can't be obtained, then clearly one can't be hurt.  This also means one can't have companionship or you know...sex.  So there you go.

*sigh*  See my problem?  I should learn to just be happy with what I have at hand.  I just want to be happy.  I just want to have someone who I am compatible with, feels safe with and am comfortable with.  Jesus is that such a tall friggin' order?  Apparently it is.

Over the last year I've met quite a few men, a few of which I would have definitely considered getting together with.  But either through my own defect or whatever it's just not happened.

What's wrong with me?

Anyway, I need to go.  Work tomorrow and I'm tired.


Dear Ben Cross (Letter 57)

Dear Ben,

Hope the last week was good for you.  It's getting cooler here...no idea what it's like in Sofia.

Right now I'll regale you with some of game day.

After lunch I managed to get back to the hotel.  I made sure to arrange a few wake up calls and when I got back to the room I set my Iphone and Ipad alarms.  You might think overkill but let me tell you, I could have slept all afternoon and all night.  As it stood I only had a few hours.  Went to bed right away and found that I could not sleep.  Eventually I got there and actually felt refreshed when I woke.

Having said that, even though I felt human again, it was like an anchor tied to my butt.  Kept looking at the time and it was flying faster than I was moving and I knew that I was supposed to be there at 5..oh yah, that didn't happen.

I got showered dressed and out by about 5:30 pm.  It was nice that Oreana's outfit was easy to put on.  I had purposely shopped for it that way.  I also had wisely decided not to wear my rings.  FYI, wearing large rings on every finger of both hands looks cool but is not very practical.  I spent the entire night either trying not to get my rings tangled in my clothes or poking myself in the eyes with the nail covers that I had on or trying to get them out of my clothes.  But I thought they looked cool :)

At any rate I got of the whole and as I was walking to the ship I ran into what?  Yes, another wedding party.  Who were smack dab in the middle of the path on which I was walking.  Fortunately they graciously parted the way for me.  It was awkward.

I'm not saying that they're not going to have fabulous pictures for their day.  I am saying that it stabs me in the heart every time I see a bride.  Or hear of someone's wedding.  Etc.

At any rate, I navigated the blockage and finally made it to the ship with my bag of rings, fan and stuff.  I got to the Queen Mary and realized that there was an impending crisis. Whilst in Calgary I had forgotten to pack deodorant.  Now Thursday it wasn't a problem because that was the day that I left so I was covered.  By the time I got to the ship, however it was not a good thing not to have deodorant.  I smelled like a Nosferatu.  Thank God it was pre-game.  Spent a frantic 10 minutes trying to find some.  Thank God there was some in stock at one of the stores.  Problem corrected.  Then I had to figure out how I wasn't going to have to carry around a plastic bag all night.  Carrying deodorant and leftover jewelry that I didn't want to wear would have been irritating.  Thank GOD for the Bell Staff!  Saved the day!

FINALLY made it to the game.  I know, you're thinking EPIC journey.  Me too.  But I'm trying to write all that I remember so that I can look back at it.

I ended up waiting to get my World of Darkness photo taken.  Hoping to get the link for it soon.

Once I had that done who appeared?  But Lorenzo!  That guy is awesome!

Anyway, I'm going to leave it at that this evening.

I know that it's very long and probably dry, but I'm trying to remember everything so I can look back on it.


Letters to Ben Cross (Letter 56)

Dear Ben,

Here I am again!  Hope your day is going well and your enjoying your rabbit.  It's very cute by the way.  It was nice of your gf/wife? to get it for you.

Anyway, today I'm writing about Friday, September 20, 2013, a day that will live infamy...ok, infamy is a bit drastic.  Some of us will remember it, some of us won't, depending on what you've done that day.

Friday the 20th was game day.  The day of the event that I had been waiting for forever.  I know, you heard a lot about that.  The day had finally come.

What was supposed to have happened on Friday first thing, was the Tour of Darkness at 10 am.  I wanted to go and it was paid for so, after 3 wake up calls from the hotel and 2 more from my Ipad I dragged myself out of bed at around 8.  I showered, got dressed, and went down for a couple of fingers of french toast, some orange juice and coffee.  Had it not been for the shenanigans the previous night this would be normal.

As it stood I don't think I was quite sober as I stepped out of the hotel into the beautiful sunshine of Los Angeles county.  I did manage to note the cute feral cats and the sickly abundance of brides even at the ungodly hour of 9 am.

Seriously.  Brides everywhere all weekend.  The last thing an evidently terminally single woman wants to see is a bride.  Sure.  I'm happy for her.  Yet I can't help asking myself when my Prince will come.  I don't need a knight on a white horse.  I don't need a rich man.  Just gainfully employed, has some ambition, bathes frequently, doesn't urinate on himself on the bus (or anywhere else), has an imagination, reasonably attractive, sense of humor, ability to hold a conversation for more than a few minutes, not a drug addict, has that sexy stubble that I like and is reasonably intelligent.  I don't think I'm asking for much.  Sexy Stubble is optional but hey it grows on their faces, no effort required ;)

But Ben, I digress.  Back to Friday.

So I made it to the ship dodging no less than 2 wedding parties.

I wasn't headachy at all when I reached the ship or nauseous.  I was crushingly tired and I suspect still slightly inebriated.  Nothing crazy.  I felt the minor obligation of having paid for the tour and needing to be there.  This was trumped by the fact that I really wanted to go on it.  It was one of the highlights of the trip.  What a great opportunity to lean about the Queen Mary and to take pictures as the weekend was proving to be too busy to go randomly taking pictures.  I won't lie I wanted to see Dean Haglund as well.  Not because he was on the X-files.  Good show certainly.  And he was good in it.  At the end of the day it just turned out that he was the blonde guy that I was attracted to in a video I saw for LA By Night.

I want to stop here for a moment.  Yes, I have been mentioning the abundance of attractive men on this trip. A) I'm single and I am allowed to look B) I have never had any goal to snag myself one of them.  Men tend to run in the following categories: 1) Married 2). Gay 3.) Unattainable 4) Unattracted to me 5) Other.  Yes, there is an 'Other' category.  I'll tell you about it sometime but you need to be sitting down for that one.  It occurred to me that I may sound desperate which is certainly not the case.  There plenty of men I could have, but I choose not to for various reasons.  I have been told that I am too choosy and may be so choosy that I may lose the window of finding someone.  Yep, it's been said to me but how hard can it be not to be a drug addict or not urinate on oneself?  How hard is it to shower?  Why would I settle for someone unintelligent?  Seriously Ben how hard is it to live up to basics?

Anyway, In hindsight I should have booked another day in Long Beach.  Sadly funds were tight because I also have New Orleans to think about at the end of October.  Blood and Betrayal just kind of slipped in to the schedule and cash was in short supply.  More importantly vacation time was in short supply.

I arrived on the ship a 1/2 hour early, which is typical for me.  People being late drive me BAT SHIT and I always strive to be early as I try to respect people's time.

Sadly someone Dropped the Ball on the Tour of Darkness and it didn't happen.  Or as I should say, not at the time that the schedules said it would.

The poor guy at the LA by Night registration was left hanging in the wind as no one informed him as to what was going on.  He had no clue what was happening and asked for cell phone.  As I left mine in Calgary, this was a problem.  So I ended up having to go back and forth a couple of times whilst the registration guy tried to figure out what was going on.

Initially I had the bright idea that it would be prudent to go get my character sheet done right away.  This actually was not a good idea.  I had the intellectual capacity of a zombie.  My mental traits were gone, my social traits were mostly burned not being irritated about the Tour of Darkness and I was burning physical traits keeping myself ambulatory and conscious.  It was brutal.

Couple that with the fact that I am NOT a morning person.  At all.  I need to ease into my day.  I don't want to know that other people exist before 9 am.  That's on a normal day.

When I first got to character creation I was greeted by Jason Andrew.  I think I managed a smile but not completely sure.  He was very busy and told me to grab a character sheet and someone would help me with it.  This was completely and utterly fair.  However, I didn't want anything to do with it.

And so, the first effort was a failure because I couldn't drag my butt to the table with character sheets on it. Again I wasn't headachy or nauseous.  I just didn't feel like being anywhere but bed.

I sat next to the guy who had walked me back me back to the hotel.  I think he was a little disappointed over the previous evening's false start. He avoided eye contact for the rest of the Con.  He busily focused upon his character sheet.  Accustomed to this behavior I sat there.  It bothered me very little as it was around that point that my lack of energy began to get worse.  Sensing that there was no way a character sheet was going to be made, I went to see if there was a tour to go to.

I went back to registration and he asked for me to come back.  At this point I knew I had to go and do my character sheet lest it not be done.  There would have been much annoyance over that I'm sure and I didn't want to push my luck.

For the long march down the endless hallway I was praying the boat would sink and there would be a reprieve.  Whatever lingering drunkeness I had retained in the morning was abandoning ship and I was starting to feel the effects of dehydration.

In short I was starting to get a mild headache that carried the promise of a possible bad one on top of my exhaustion.  I had the attention span of a goldfish and I REALLY didn't want to do that sheet.

To be fair, Jason Andrew had generously offered help for Thursday which I thought was doable and was definitely acceptable.

As it turned out, the problem with the plan was the only way to make it within the time frame needed Thursday would have been to make an unscheduled exit from the plane directly over the Queen Mary.  This strategy would have caused a number challenges, including but not limited to:

Inconvenience to other passengers    uncontrolled exit from plane causing potential injury to myself and others
a rather large hole in the ship            extraneous casualties    a rather inconvenient messy clean up

I opted to stay on the plane :)

So I had to complete this task.  I was greeted by Jason Carl as I picked up my sheet.  He's so lovely.  He greeted me with a smile and I hope I smiled back.

I picked up a character sheet and I'm sure it was at that point I met Elissa.  I really like her.  She's super cool and I wish I could color my hair like her. It would never be allowed of course in the Calgary Corporate Culture.  I would love to do it though.  Alas, I need to have shelter and eat so I am prevented from this.

I gave Elissa her 'boon' payment of white chocolate. She seemed surprised to receive it.  She helped me out with the Super Shuttle thing.  She didn't have to and I appreciated it.  I hoped she enjoyed the chocolate.

After all that came character creation.  Now I have to ask myself why I chose to annoy Jimmy Reckitt.  He was encouraging me to do it myself.  I explained that I'd never done it myself and just wanted to Merits, Flaws and input on Disciplines.  He said nicely that  I should evolve and I said all I wanted to do was devolve.  Evidently he'd had enough and fled.  I wish he would have stuck around for the parts I enjoy doing.  I managed a lot of enthusiasm for that.  I even smiled.

Jason Andrew asked (probably begged) someone else to help me.  I wasn't rude to the guy.  Not overly enthusiastic either.  I wasn't acting like a trapped Toreador either.

Understand, my body was rebelling against me and all I wanted to think about was the glorious king sized bed at the hotel.  Specifically with me laying in it with my eyes closed in gentle slumber.

When Merits and Flaws finally arrived I was a happy girl.  Why my love affair with Merits and Flaws?  Because they shape the character more than the rest of the sheet.  It gives flavor and spice to the personality.  It makes the character for me.

I have to admit though, at that point in time my interest in playing any game was at an all time low.  It wasn't just Blood and Betrayal.  It was any game at all.  I mentioned this to Jason Carl and of course mentioned that all I needed was sleep. Jason pleasantly told me we'd better get the sheet approved.  It was, for all intents and purposes done.  The volunteer had suggested more flaws but dear lord that character had enough flaws for two characters already.  The character was approved and I left.

I was going to leave right away but hunger made me stay.  Hunger was a good sign.  I made my way to the Promenade deck, bought a ring for Oreana and went to the Promenade Cafe where I was escorted to the seat by the kitchen.  As the lady led to my chair I saw Richard Thomas and he waved to me.  That was nice of him.

I sat down, looked at the menu and ordered my mac and cheese and grilled crostini.  As I waited, who was seated at the table across but Shane Defreest, his wife/gf, and Dean Haglund.

It was literally impossible for Shane not to have seen me, but again as previously mentioned yesterday, I think he forgot I existed the moment I was introduced.  I hadn't expected him to greet me and certainly not see me in the 'corporeal' sense of the word.  He probably registered my presence on some level of The Veil and ignored my unexplained existence as people do when they see something they don't want to.  Perhaps Dean was his guide through The Veil.  After all he was on the X-files.  Maybe some of it rubbed off.

I shouldn't make fun of Shane.  I don't think he's a bad person.  I don't know him well enough to make that judgement.  I doubt he kicks puppies, runs over kittens with his (probably expensive) vehicle or kidnaps orphans and leaves them out in the snow to freeze to death.

And yah, I most definitely have flaws myself.  I am always the first one to tear myself apart over my flaws like a starving dog over raw meat.  But I have putting a lot into my social and physical traits over the years and I am less BruNosferatu than I was.  Still carry some of that Brujah in me though.  I'm working on it.  And Hell, I'm the one who has an imaginary boyfriend and writes to a celebrity who I will never meet and who will probably never see this.  I need a real penpal :)

Anyway Dean Haglund was on the ship regaling Shane and his significant other with tales of the X-files (some of the conversation wafted over to my table.  Not much of it).  No I DID NOT get up and ask about the tour.  Not only would it be impolite and probably freak Shane out, but it wasn't the time or place.  I had been hoping to find out by proxy but that didn't happen.

Well Ben, I'm tired and I'm sure you've heard enough.  Tomorrow I shall pick this up and get to the part about the game!

Talk to you tomorrow...


Letters to Ben Cross (Letter 55)

Dear Ben

Hope you're having a great day!

It has been a while I know.  Just got out of the habit of writing.  Not to mention the post vacation depression.  It happens.  But I'm back in the saddle for now.

So I was in LA for a few days (September 19 - 22).  I got there the Thursday and went by shuttle to the hotel.  All the people in the shuttle were going to LAbyNight ( http://www.labynight2013.com/ ).  One of them was an asshole.  Not that I didn't manage to put my foot in mouth straight off the bat but his rebuke was harsh.  The comment wasn't made towards a person, wasn't a comment about a person, merely an experience I had that involved no one but myself.  Anyway he chose to be an ass and I just chose to be quiet for the rest of the trip.

It was nice getting to the hotel.  It was actually quite nice and after I freshened up a bit I walked to the Queen Mary.  It was a nice walk to the ship.  I noticed a few feral cats basking on the rocks beside the water.  It was kind of neat.

The weather was beautifully warm.  Not too hot and not too cold.  Gorgeous really.  It was nice to be able to walk by the water.

I arrived at the ship.  It's bigger than I thought but not as big as a modern ocean liner.  It's permanently docked and evidently cemented in place.  I was strangely disappointed by this but such is life.

The interior of the ship is gorgeous.  I took the tiny elevator up to the main registration area.  LABN's registration area was slightly beyond it.  It seemed a bit disorganized as they didn't have some of the stuff they were supposed to have and as of now still don't have my royal brooch.  I'm hoping that I'll get that at some point.  Should inquire again.  I want to incorporate it in my scrapbook project I want to start.

Anyway, what we could get I got.  I turned around and saw Elissa Alighieri but didn't say hi to her at that point because she was talking to other people and truth be told, I was a little intimidated.

From registration I proceeded to look around the ship as there wasn't really anything else to be done at that point.  Character creation was already over and I didn't feel like going back to the hotel at that point in time.  I would have to later as the VIP Party was to start later in the evening but as it stood I had a few hours.

I wandered and eventually made it to the Promenade Deck.  They have some really cool shops there.  I bought a sparkly skull ring from the Dragon Shop.  Queen Mary Couture was way too expensive for me.  The other shops were cool but I'm not that into souvenirs.  I didn't buy anyone anything this trip.

I found my way into the Art Deco Bar and who did I see there?  ZOMG!  Jason Andrew and Richard Thomas.  They were pretty awesome and it was nice to chat with them.  There was another guy there who was really nice and for some reason I keep forgetting his name.  I'm really terrible.  He was very nice to chat with and I spent a lot of my time at the bar with those guys.  Richard was very generous and paid for my edamame beans and two drinks.  He shouldn't have picked it up but it was quite nice of him. I'm pretty sure it was two drinks.  I do recall the first one was ridiculously expensive.  I did get a bit buzzed, I'll admit.  Probably shouldn't have.  A couple of people greeted Jason and Richard.  I...kind of met Shane Defreest.  What I mean by that is I'm pretty sure he registered my presence when he sat down to talk to Jason and Richard.  I think he may have nodded in my general direction but I'm not really sure.  He seemed to..but one really couldn't be sure.  I do know he knew I was there.  Past that I think he may have forgotten I existed as soon as he sat down.

At any rate, I had a good time.  I usually have this rule that I don't drink when I'm around people I don't know.  Truthfully I don't usually talk around people I don't know (I went to a housewarming last night and a memorial today with nary a word uttered).  I should probably keep that policy.

At any rate, we dispersed and I went back to the hotel, puttered around and napped until the time came to get dressed for the VIP party.  I looked pretty good for that party.

I went there and at first kept a distance.  I was quite happy to see Jason and met his wife Lisa.  She's awesome :)

I met Jason Carl there as well.  He was, as Jason Andrew said, a gentlemen.  He also ended up working all night.  It's a bit vexing and impressive to watch someone work as hard as Jason does.  Vexing because I always feel that I should be doing something to enable that person to relax and enjoy a party instead of having to fuss over stuff and impressive because you know that person gets stuff done.  Me, when I have to work to I do it but relax time is relax time and I get all grumpy and resenty if I have to sacrifice relax time for it.

I guess for some people that's the way the roll.  Coupled with the fact that technically it was a work trip for them.  No rest for the wicked I guess.  Still craptacular to be working so late.

I also met Eddy Webb and Justin  Achilles.  Both of them are pretty cool and nothing what I thought they would be.  I had picked up Justin Achilles Clan Book Giovanni and am still traumatized with it.  Fortunately my legs no longer automatically clamp shut when I think of Justin. If you read the book, you know of what I speak.

I showed Richard and Justin my little white wolf I had made for my cemetery project.  They were dutifully impressed.  Richard did ask me to bring it and I did.  One of those things where you don't know if they really want to see it but you do it anyway.  Realistically my Cemetery project usually nets me an "Oh yah." reaction but I love adding to it and it was inspired by the game.  As I said, they reacted dutifully impressed and I'll just take it as a positive.

The lady at the bar gave me a lovely compliment.  Later in the evening when I went to the bar for my she said she had to go back to her room and get dressed in something nice because I looked so good.  I was really flattered.

I ended up kind of being on my own as Richard, Justin, etc disappeared which is fair.  I DID get to hang out with Jason Andrew and he showed me this little room/alcove that seriously looked all bloody like someone was murdered in it.  I took Lorenzo to see it but he had already but I was convinced that it would have been good for a Clan Meeting.  Still am convinced it would have been cool.

One of the real highlights of the evening was meeting Lorenzo.  He would end up as the super star of the game for me.  He has everything going for himself...hot, European, accent to die for and seems like a really nice guy.  Clearly he's out of my league hahahahah  Trust me, this guy is awesome.  More on him later.

Met Dhuanae as well.  She was with Lorenzo.  She's super sweet.  She plays a hag really well...ahahahaha.  Of course, I'm nice and can play a bitch like nobody's business :)

As the evening wore on to late late evening I ended up having bucket loads to drink.  For those of you that know me well, you're like "WHAT?"  Yah, I know....most of you probably can't remember seeing me hammered out of my tree.  But I assure you, I let loose like you wouldn't believe.  I'm allowed once a year...possibly even twice this year when I go to New Orleans...yah, it happens.  Not often but it does.

I met Jimmy Reckitt as well who played Prince Strauss.  Yah, he's a hotty too..and from what I remember nice as well.  Yah, see how I manage to irritate him in the Friday September 20 installment of my Blood and Betrayal weekend.  It's a dubious talent my friends, not one I'd recommend.  And Jimmy is well out of my league as well.

But back to VIP party night.  I had a great time.  Social butterfly too...I remember talking to Lorenzo some more at night on one of the decks (Promenade outside?), I met The Swede whose real name I believe is Martin (he's hot too), a couple of the security guards including the guy in the kilt and the englishman who took me back to the hotel and another guy who was really cool (whose name I don't know but evidently I kept asking him to say hello when he saw in the following days).

The only real regret I had that evening is being too hammered to take someone up on the opportunity to make out, etc.  It couldn't happen because alcohol can be a cruel hag sometimes.  Such is life.  Perhaps before I'm dead that sort of opportunity will present itself again.

Well Ben, more tomorrow.




Ginger Snap Cookie

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